A Mother’s Prayer

The Prayer of a Mom who just lost her cool with her pre-teen daughter who was getting too sassy for her britches…and then Mom felt horrible afterwards

 

Lord, I give to You my garbage— all my haste and my swiftness to anger and my poor judgment and my inability to control myself when Ellie sassed off to me this morning.  It’s not a good gift, I know, Lord… this garbage I am giving You.  I know I am unworthy of Your love, unworthy of Your forgiveness and Your grace and Your mercy.  I know.  This isn’t the first time I’ve known this.  But moments like this morning really bring it to the forefront of my awareness: I am broken and sinful and in desperate need of a Savior— for both my sake and the sake of my children.  I need You, Jesus, there’s no doubt about that.  I need You and then I need You more and then I need You more again.

Learning the hard way sucks.  I really don’t like it.  I would so much prefer to learn from other people’s mistakes rather than my own.  And I suppose I do that, too—learn from other’s errors— but… the sting is so much more potent when it’s my own self I’m watching fail miserably.  When it’s my own reflection I have a hard time facing.  When it’s my own bruised knees I have to keep getting on over and over again.

So, Lord, I give it all to You.  I give You my busted up, selfish, not-working-properly self.  And, Lord, here is the part that is equally if not more important:  I receive from You Your forgiveness, Your Truth, Your Grace, Your mercy, Your willingness to love me and accept me and stay by my side and guide me and lead me and hold me… even though You know me and You know how horrible I can be.  I give you my fear and I receive from You Your peace.  I give You my anger and I receive from You Your willingness to allow me to be a work-in-progress.  I give You my haste and I receive from You the freedom to REST and to STOP STRIVING and to ENJOY this amazing life You have blessed me with.  

Your gifts are all around me, Lord.  Everywhere I turn I see Your good hand and Your kind heart and Your forgiving eyes and Your welcoming embrace.  Thank You, Lord, for these things I see right now: my comfy bed; my soft, squishy pillows; my torn up, well-used Bible; my laptop that holds all my digital prayers and thoughts; the green hills out my window; the sun streaming in bringing warmth to my wet-shower-hair and my sore muscles; my sore muscles reminding me I’ve worked out pretty hard the past few days and I have a body that is currently in proper working order; my health, my trimmed toenails reminding me I got to soak in an epsom salt bath last night when hubby could tell I needed some moments to myself before I burst into a crazy person; the sound of silence on the baby monitor—hooray! he’s finally asleep!; my hair ties on the nightstand; the frozen cookie dough I’m about to munch on; yummmmm—good idea: so sweet and salty and cold and crunchy…

Thank You, Lord, for it all.  Thank You, Lord, that You treasure me even though I’m a mess.

You are my greatest joy and my biggest blessing.  Those words don’t even do justice to What and Who You are, Lord.  Yahweh.  Ancient One of Old.  The One who created it all.  The One who foresaw the need for an ultimate Savior and Sacrifice in order for Your children to have true peace and joy.  The One who did all those amazing acts in Egypt to show Your might to Pharaoh and to Your own kids.  The One who rightly judged and punished and then patiently and lovingly kept receiving Your children back after each and every failure and fall.  The One who did that over and over and over again.  The One who created a way for us humans to communicate with each other—both in spoken and written word.  The One who inspired Boy David and then King David to write his vulnerabilities and confusions and prayers so that I, today, could read them and not feel so alone.  The One who sends me people to come alongside and encourage me when I feel like a total failure.  The One who allows me to encourage others when they feel that way, too.  You are the One who came here to earth to help show us broken people Who You really are and how very much—beyond words!—You love us and want to be with us…

Lord God.

Wow.

I love You.

Thank You, Jesus.

Amen.

* * *

What about you?

Would you care to share one of your own blunders and how you dealt with it?

Please feel free to share your journey in the comment section below.