Finite Me:: Struggling with My Own Limits… Again
When will I ever just rest and be content with the reality that I simply cannot be everything to everyone? I don’t have the time, energy, or giftings to do every single awesome thing I would like to do. I cannot dive headfirst into every single project or ministry or outreach or nonprofit or individual human story that tugs at my heart. I cannot offer my volunteer services to every ministry at my church or organization in my community that is doing meaningful, important work.
I can only do my own thing.
I can only be me. With my passions, my abilities, my physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual makeup, my limitations, and my challenges.
But sometimes “my own thing” doesn’t seem as special or significant or necessary as some of the other things I see. And sometimes I really wish I had the bandwidth to be a part of some of those other important things.
But the truth is: I am not the All in All. I am not the Alpha and Omega. I am not all-powerful or all-knowing or able to be everywhere at all times. I’m just finite, limited me. Doing my “me” as best I can. Loving on the folks around me as well as I know how. Offering my life, my resources, my giftings and my story in whatever ways I feel able and called to do so.
But if I’m honest with myself and with you…?
Sometimes I actually feel desperate to give more, serve more, bless more…
Sometimes I feel guilty for being limited by my own self, my time constraints, my emotional baggage, my family drama, and my obligations to my family…
Sometimes I resent how seemingly insignificant “my own thing” is. Sometimes it feels so small, so… “anybody could do this.”
Sometimes I feel trapped by this season I’m in: being responsible for two pre-teen girls, a nap-needing toddler, a prayer-needing husband, and a finite amount of time and money at my disposal. Sometimes I feel like my own life is on hold because I’m too busy trying to do this wife-and-mother thing well.
Perhaps I’m just weak. Perhaps I just need more nights out with my girlfriends or more counseling sessions or more exercise. Perhaps I just need a bunch of prayer and a gigantic shift in perspective. Perhaps I’m overly dramatic.
But seriously: this thing called Life is hard. It’s hard to find the balance between all the want to’s, the don’t want to’s, the shoulds, and the shouldn’ts.
And it’s often a whole other level of hard when I allow those stinky old “shame gremlins” (as Brené Brown calls them) to climb around and taunt me, telling me how much I’m failing, how significantly I’m missing the mark of greatness, lying to me about how worthless or selfish I am for honestly doing my best to be a good steward of my current responsibilities.
Here’s the thing, friends:
I can’t do it all.
I can’t even do the little I’m currently doing without God’s lavish grace pouring over me, gifting me, strengthening me, and leading me every single moment of every single day.
So no: I have to pass up meaningful, important, great opportunities from time to time simply because I am a finite, needy human, limited by my real-life responsibilities, ever-dependent on God’s grace and goodness and strength.
But yes: I am right where He wants me. I am right where He’s led me. I’m right where I’m supposed to be, doing what He has called, equipped and anointed me to do.
And do you want to know another secret?
Even though sometimes it’s a big fat struggle and I’m fighting against it… Also? Sometimes living this life assignment God has given me is the most beautiful, fulfilling, natural, freeing thing in the world.
So hang on, friends. Let’s keep seeking God for real. Let’s keep listening to Him and heeding Him and following His lead step by step, day by day. We’ll find Him there. And we’ll find our own purpose and freedom and joy there, too.
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What about you?
In what ways have you struggled with your current lot in life? When has God called you out of your circumstances and led you to something new or different? How did you discern it was God leading you?
Please feel free to share your comments or your own journey in the comment section below.