Wishing I Could Hurry Past the Difficult Chapters
“I think sometimes we rush the narrative construction of our seasons… We are eager to wring the lesson and the hope and the story out of our lives in order to make sense of them… but sometimes the story isn’t clear until you’ve lived further into a few more chapters. Time reveals what was really going on and there is no shortcut for an unfolding life.” ~ Sarah Bessey
I’m in the middle of my real life right now.
I’m at a stage in my story wherein I am smack dab at the climax of challenge, wishing I could hurry up and breeze past all the difficulty of it, skip through the pain and strain of it all, and get straight to the insightful end of it. I want to bypass the adversities where wisdom is born and skip right to the part where I can squeeze out the lesson to pass along to the next generation.
I’m in unchartered territory here. I’ve never been through a struggle quite like this one. I’ve not had to navigate these particular waters before. I don’t know how to do this kind of challenge well. I don’t know how to be wise and responsible and helpful in this.
I wish I could hurry up and get safely on the other side of this chasm that is before me— this seemingly bottomless pit of heartache and chaos and brokenheartedness. But that’s just not how real life works. In real life you have to wade through the muck and mess of life. In real life you have to wait— sometimes for what seems like an eternity— before you have any clear perspective on what in the world was going on during that season of life. In real life there is this thing called “in the meantime” where you often wait, heartbroken, disoriented and desperate — and perhaps even simmering with loneliness and cynicism — until you finally get to whatever is on the other side of it all.
But that “in the meantime” stage? It takes time. And, as much as you might want to, you can’t speed it along.
So that’s where I’m at. There are things I want to write about, but my heart is too raw to do so. I would be writing from a place of pain and confusion rather than a place of perspective and healing. (Which is fine for private journaling but, at least for me, inappropriate in this blogging format when I am as tender and worn down as I currently am.)
When I write for others’ eyes I want them to be able to get something out of it. I want to be able to take my story and create a moment of transfer so that others can take what I am learning and apply it to their own lives. I don’t just want to barf my personal junk all over my readers— I want there to be something of substance that can help them or encourage them or inspire them.
But right now… today… I just don’t feel like I’ve got it in me to do that.
Instead… today… I will ask you all if you might be so kind as to offer a prayer for my family and I. We are fine and healthy and we love each other deeply (praise God). It’s just that we are fighting in some pretty tough battles right now. And it is wearying. And we’re not sure how to do this well.
Please pray that we will keep our eyes on Jesus, our focus on His truth, our hope in Him above all others. Please pray that we will stay open and honest and courageously communicative with one another as my husband and I seek to lead our family well through the mucky waters of challenge and heartache and hardship.
Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.
[This is Day 11 of the Write 31 Days Challenge. This year my focus is on the role of STORY in our lives. Click here to get to the landing page with links to each post for this series.]
* * *
What about you?
Are you in the midst of a particularly challenging season? How are you connecting with God and with others in meaningful ways during this time? How can your loved ones pray for or support you right now?
Please share your journey in the comment section below.