I Need A Do-Over

 

I totally screwed up recently.  Right here on this blog.  I made the error I have been hoping I would never make, but figured (with me being imperfect and all) I probably would at some point: I posted a piece about something that wasn’t resolved enough for me to be “going public” about it yet.

Ugh.

I didn’t mean to do that, you see.  My intention was my usual intention: I was simply trying to, once again, share my journey through a particularly hard challenge of mine so that those of you who ever feel alone in something similar would be encouraged with a nice, loud “me too.”  I am always wanting to bring encouragement to you and to normalize some of the trickier things we have to navigate in life.  

I have found that, time and time again, my worst enemies are typically isolation and shame.  When I look back on my darkest seasons in life I see that, quite often, the worst part of those seasons was that I felt alone in it all.  Either I was literally alone because I didn’t reach out to any of the real live people around me… or I felt alone because no one around me admitted that they, too, have felt and struggled with what I was feeling and struggling with.  And that’s when shame would tend to come sweeping in to poison me.

It has meant the world to me to have friends (and fellow writers) in my life who have been brave enough to be a “me too” to me over the last several years.  Many of those “me toos” have pulled me back from the ledge, to tell you the truth.

And so I want to do whatever I can to always be super honest and transparent about my struggles— because I never ever EVER want anyone I know to feel the shame and loneliness that come from feeling like you’re the only one on earth who has ever experienced whatever it is you are experiencing.

The tricky thing is that sometimes I get antsy.  Sometimes I get so excited about what I am learning that I rush the narrative.  I get impulsive.  And when I’m PMSing it all gets exponentially worse.  When my hormones are all aflare, my “maybe you should hold off on saying that just yet” filters go down and the “this is urgent!” messages in my head get significantly louder than usual… thus, I sometimes do or say foolish things.  Once the dust settles and I have my wits about me again, I often look around and find that I’ve unintentionally made a mess.

Which sucks.

Because sometimes — most of the time— I’m not the only casualty that lies in the wake of some of my blunders.  Often my loved ones get bumped and bruised in the process.

Dagnammit.

So here’s my confession, you guys:  I put a post up last weekend and then realized a few days later that I needed to take it back down.  And here’s why: because the journey I was describing, though healed up and healthy in some respects, wasn’t actually “ready” to be written about publicly yet.  There were still conversations that needed to be had; there was still another layer or two of healing that needed to take place.

For those of you who read it and with whom it might have resonated: Fear not, my friends.  It will return in an altered way at some point.  I’m working through it right now.  But because I’ve learned so much from my experience, and because I want to make sure I write about it from a more balanced and redeemed viewpoint… it’s going to take a bit of time before it’s new-and-improved self appears on the good ole’ interweb again.  Alrighty?

So stay tuned and be on the lookout for a resurrected version of that “Labels” post somewhere down the line.

In the meantime… I’m letting God have some time to work with me on editing it (and making sure I’ve had all the necessary conversations with those involved before I hit “publish”) this time around.  (I know, I know— I should always write like that.  I should always be 100% certain that my piece is what God wants it to be before I hit “publish” each time I write something.  I should always ask myself all those important self-reflective questions before I post my words for all the world to see.  But… here’s the thing: I’m just a flawed work-in-process like the rest of humanity, remember?  Although I’m doing my best and I really am trying to tune into God every step of the way… I miss the mark all too often.  Please forgive me.

In any case, friends, know this: I love you and I soooo appreciate any time any ONE of you chooses to click over here and read what I’ve tapped out.  My hope above all hopes is that you will, if nothing else, find a comrade in imperfection and God-hungry determination over here at The Flawed Treasure I want to bring you encouragement and inspiration and hope.  I want to be real with you.  And, as usual, I always want to bring you a big dose of “me too” mixed up in it all.

Talk to you again soon, friends.  I love you and I am praying for you. 🙂

With great love, respect, and gratitude,

 

* * *

 

What about you?

Have you ever hit “send” on an email, text, voicemail, or social media post and then come to realize you were “off” or incorrect or just plain insensitive in some way or another?  Is it hard for you to admit when you’ve made a mistake?  In what context are “do-overs” appropriate and what does “humbling yourself” look like for you?

Please share your journey, insights or helpful resources in the comment section below.

 

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